This is me and my beautiful family. The family I wished for, hoped for, dreamed of, and prayed for my entire life.
And I want you to know that I would gladly endure every hardship and suffering I have encountered in this life all over again – if it would lead me back to the Lord once more and my amazing family. 💙
So many times, I felt forgotten. I felt unseen and unheard. I wanted to be loved. I wanted to feel important. I wanted to make a difference in people’s lives – but I was a complete and utter mess.
I remember wondering and speaking out loud to the Lord, “Why do other people have all the luck?” and “Have I not endured enough? Can I ever catch a break?”But I realized that I was settling for scraps, and the voice in my head was SO loud, and the voices of others I allowed in there were even louder.
I also understand now that I was talking AT God and not TO God.
I was trying to control things so much that instead of allowing the Lord into my life to help me – I was like a toddler saying, “I do it myself!” while trying to pour milk into a tiny cup out of a heavy jug and making a big mess.
Looking back, I wonder how I had the strength to endure my body being in a constant state of tense anxiety and my mind racing with fear.
Of course, I turned to alcohol to medicate because I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t have the tools to cope. I didn’t know how to be well. Maybe you feel that way too.
With alcohol, I could relax. Numb out. “Feel” like I was in control when I obviously wasn’t. I didn’t care what I said or did. I would drink myself into a blackout every. single. time.
But the next morning, my anxiety was WORSE. Then I had to deal with stuff I said or did the night before (thank goodness there was no social media or smartphones back then!).
I felt like junk as I headed into work – late again.
I had to let go of PRIDE and instead counter that with HUMILITY.
I had to admit that I couldn’t do it on my own. That I needed to change.
That I needed both earthly and Divine help.
That is when everything began to transform…but it took YEARS!
The “mental mess” that I had to sift through was enormous! Quitting drinking and changing the habit was a good beginning, but that is when the real work had to start. It was not easy, but it was SO worth it!
If you are a woman in recovery who is still struggling to clear up the “mental mess” –or you are someone who has realized that alcohol is no longer serving you and you want more clarity and peace around your drinking – I have been there. I can help you discover the tools to get through it quicker! Grab a spot on my calendar and let’s chat.
It does not have to take years. You don’t need to do it alone.
I am here for you.
I am praying for you.
You are not alone ❤️
